Move it, dorkus.
Okay, I think you're next. I'II take your ticket.
Come right around this way. Keep your back straight.
Put your books down on your Iap.
Now, Look right up at the camera, okay? Nice smiIe. Here we go.
Let me focus right over here. Okay. Get you in.
That's good.
Swing around this way just a IittIe bit, Gina.
-It's Jenna. -Look over here, Gina.
It's Jenna!
Oh, God.
Oh, no.
I've had enough aIready.
Hey, Jenna.
Matt, please. No more pictures.
Come on. It's your 1 3th birthday. We gotta document it.
-Hi, Tom-Tom. -Hey, Jenna.
Hi, Beaver. How's everything at the dam?
-So how'd yours come out, Rink? -Not so good.
Yeah, mine aren't so hot either.
-Tom-Tom, yours are great! -Yours are the best.
God, you're so photogenic.
I'll meet you out front.
Do whatever you want. It's not like she needs a pIay-by-pIay.
-Freakazoid. -See you.
Jenna, couId I taIk to you a tiny sec?
I toId Chris Grandy me and the Six Chicks were going to your party.
-And he said he wanted to come with. -ReaIIy?
Yeah, it's too bad we can't make it, because we really wanted to.
-Didn't we, girIs? -Totally.
-So, so much. -We're so sorry.
Miss Measly's up our butts with this group project...
...and Chris is gonna help us out...
...so I guess he can't come either.
-I could write your report for you. -Fabuloso.
You know, I can't believe you invited those clones.
They're my friends.
Six Chicks are not your friends, okay?
Well, almost. And someday I'm gonna be a Six Chick.
There's six of them. That's the point. There can't be a seventh Six Chick.
It's just mathematically impossible.
You're cooler than they are. They're unoriginal.
I don't wanna be original, Matty, I wanna be cool.
-Want some Razzles? -Razzles are for kids.
Exactly.
-Arrivederci. -Au revoir.
-Hey, sweetie. -Happy birthday!
Tell us about your new life as a teenager.
What did you do? Are you wearing a bra?
-Go away! -Oh, honey, what's wrong?
Wayne. Self-image.
-Jenna, it's going to be all right. -It is not, Mom! Look at me!
-This is not okay. This is fatal. -It's not fatal, honey. It's realistic.
I hate my life.
You don't look like girls in Poise magazine...
...but you're beautiful in your own way.
I don't wanna be beautiful in my own way.
I wanna look like these people.
Oh, those aren't people, honey. Those are models.
''Thirty, flirty and thriving. Why the 30s are the best years of your Iife.''
I wanna be 30.
Well, you will be, honey.
But right now you're my beautiful 13-year-oId.
-Happy birthday! -Oh, my God.
This is just part one of your present. I got something else to give you later.
What is it?
You know how you aIways wanted a Barbie Dream House?
WeII, I decided to make you your own Jenna Dream House.
-You made all this? Oh, Matty. -Yeah.
See, that's you in your bubble bath, reading your favorite magazine.
And there's your bedroom, with a massive stereo...
...and every record ever made.
The good ones.
And there's that bum Rick SpringfieId loafing on the couch.
And there I am, to make sure the creep keeps his hands to himself.
Oh, almost forgot. Wishing dust.
It says, ''This wishing dust knows what's in your heart of hearts.
It'll make all your dreams come true.''
They're here.
What do we do?
Oh, my God. Matt, I'm just gonna put this away, okay?
So there's room to dance.
Put some music on.
Dad, you promised you were gonna stay upstairs. Go!
Hi, guys. The party's downstairs.
Fabuloso.
-What is this? -I'm not sure. It's Matt's.
Sorry, Beave-head. Majority ruIes.
Narrow, man. Narrow, hopeIess peopIe.
-Freak. -Robot.
I'm gonna go next door and get my Casio.
Do whatever you want, Matt. It's not Iike I need a pIay-by-pIay.
See you, Ioser.
Hey, I have an idea, girIs.
Let's pIay Seven Minutes in Heaven.
You can go first, because you're the birthday girI.
How does that one go, again?
WeII, you go in the cIoset, and some Iucky guy's gonna go in there...
...and do whatever he wants with you for seven whoIe minutes.
And guess who wants to go first.
-Who? -Chris Grandy.
-No way. -Way.
Before I forget, where's our project proposaI?
-On the tabIe. -Thanks.
Remember, no peeking. Keep that bIindfoId on.
And just so you know, Chris Ioves going for second base.
Let's go. I think I can get my brother to buy us some beer.
-I got the cheez doodIes. -Wait, give me that drink.
Thank you. Leave it, George. Come on.
-What's going on? -Jenna's waiting for you in the cIoset.
I thought you weren't gonna come.
Where are you?
Oh, Chris.
-It's not Chris, it's Matt. -What are you doing here?
-Where's Chris? -He's gone. Everybody Ieft.
-What'd you do? -Nothing!
-Yes, you did! -I just went to get my Casio!
-Get out! -Wait! Jenna, Iet me taIk to you!
-Get out! No! -Jenna, pIease, just come out!
I hate you! I hate me! I hate everybody!
-Jenna, what are you taIking about? -I wanna be 30!
Just Iet me pIay you this song, okay? It'II make you feeI better.
I wanna be 30. Thirty and fIirty and thriving.
Thirty and fIirty and thriving.
Mom?
Dad?
What is happening?
Oh, what is happening? What is going on?
''Jenna Rink.''
''Jenna Rink. Jenna Rink, Jenna Rink.''
I Iive here.
-Hi. Sorry we missed your call. -Dad?
Well, not that sorry, because we're in the Caribbean.
So we'll be back on the 1 8th, so call us then. Have a good day.
You went on a cruise without me?
Oh, this is a dream. This is a reaIIy weird dream.
-Hey, sweet bottom! -Oh, my God.
I know you're there! And my parents are totaIIy gonna be home any minute!
Hey, where's the conditioner?
-You're naked! -WeII, not yet.
You couId join me if you want.
Sweet bottom!
Can you hear that music?
Jenna? Can you hurry up a IittIe bit, pIease?
He made a commitment. Jenna? Can you come over here?
I don't care if you have to grab him by his testicIes...
...I want him in New York in 1 2 hours.
He needs to be at the party. HoId on a second.
-Get in the car. -I don't get in the car with strangers.
Get in the car. We're gonna be Iate.
-I don't know you. -Just get in the car.
-Not with strangers! -You're being paranoid.
Sweet bottom! Don't make me come down there and grab you.
Lucy Wyman. He has my number. CouId you pIease get in the car?
-Jenna! -We are gonna be Iate.
Look, he made a commitment. He has my number. My name is Lucy Wyman.
Just go away!
Honey, I know I'm your best friend, but the sIip dress is a IittIe '9 7.
-UnIess it's retro. -Are you reaIIy my best friend?
-You're pregnant. -Oh, no! Oh, my God, no!
Thank God. You scared me. What did you do Iast night?
See, that's the thing. Something reaIIy strange is happening.
I sIept in an apartment I've never seen before...
...and there was a naked man in my shower and I saw his thingy.
Oh, God. Not his thingy.
Driver, couId you pIease puII over, since we're here?
-Stop! -Wait. I don't wanna get out of the--
I don't think you're Iistening. Wait, hang on.
Wait, Iisten to me. I'm 1 3.
If you're gonna start Iying about your age, I'd go with 2 7.
Wait! I know it sounds strange, but some weird dream is-- Like that!
Do you hear it? Did you hear that?
WouId you stop being ridicuIous? It's probabIy just Richard.
-Who's Richard? -You drink too much.
Richard, your boss.
Brown, curIy hair. British. Richard.
-HeIIo? -Hey, sweet bottom.
You. You. Put on your pants and stop caIIing me ''sweet bottom.''
-Look, baby-- -And get out of my house!
Who is that?
I don't know his name. I don't know what's happening.
Okay, Jenna. Jenna. Just caIm down, okay?
We have a meeting in 1 0 minutes. I'II teII you what to do. Repeat after me:
I am Jenna Rink, bigtime magazine editor.
-I am? -Repeat it.
I am Jenna Rink, bigtime magazine editor.
I'm a tough bitch.
-Say it. -I am a tough bitch.
I'm gonna waIk into that office, I won't Iet anyone know I'm hung-over.
But that's not the point. I'm not hung-over--
I'm gonna waIk into that office and not Iet anyone know I'm hung-over.
Because the future of Poise depends on me.
Poise?
Oh, jeez.
Poise magazine. Thank you.
Good morning, Miss Rink, Miss Wyman.
-Good morning. What's her name? -Who cares?
Jenna. PIease don't yeII at me, it's not my fauIt.
They need a decision right now.
-Just pick one. -That one.
Love. Knew it. Genius.
Eminem's on the phone. He wants a decision now.
PIain.
Peanut. PIain.
There's the dynamic duo! I trust my executive editors are Iate again...
...because they were out promoting us at parties.
-You got it, Richard. -Richard. You're my boss.
That's right, baby. Who's your daddy?
Wayne Rink.
Morning.
Two words: summer, Saint Barts.
Oh, you're not gonna go to Fire IsIand this summer?
-Are you insinuating I'm gay? -It's a joke.
Is there anything eIse you need from me, Miss Rink?
You mean Iike a favor?
Sure. Like a favor.
-I need to find this guy in New Jersey. -Okay.
I have his number.
-ArIene, wiII you Ieave us, pIease? -Sorry.
Jenna's a IittIe hung-over today.
Rough.
Okay, chiIdren.
I wonder which one HoIIy Housewife is going to go for.
The 1 0th or the 1 1 th secret?
Seven months in a row now they scoop us.
I mean, it's Iike they've got Sparkle-cams hidden in aII our waIIs.
Richard, we're instaIIing passwords.
We're buiIding firewaIIs on aII the computers.
-Jenna fired CharIotte yesterday. -Did you?
I guarantee she has friends at Sparkle. She aIways took notes.
-She was a secretary. -Yeah, whatever.
Our party tonight is now huge.
We need to make an unequivocaI statement...
...that Poise is stiII hot and happening.
Now, we need a newsstand circ anaIysis done immediateIy.
I aIso strongIy suggest we take apart our F.O.B., overhauI the B.O.B...
...think about new heads, decks and sIugs. Jenna, what do you think?
Can I go to the bathroom?
It's the naked guy.
''Jenna, girI, margaritas anytime. Love you, Madonna.''
I'm friends with Madonna?
Here are your messages.
And your mother caIIed from Barbados.
My mom caIIed? I wish you'd toId me.
Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Rink.
I thought you said never to bother you with famiIy caIIs.
-I did? I said that? -PIease don't fire me.
No, no, I won't. It's not your fauIt. I forgot that I said that.
Next time my mom caIIs, Iet me know.
Yes, ma'am.
Oh, I have that information that you asked for.
Matt!
The phone number you gave me was his parents'.
I toId them that I worked for Visa and he's in a Iot of troubIe.
You Iied to the FIamhaffs!
He's in the ViIIage. 2 1 2 Bank Street, apartment 2B.
-Which viIIage? -The-- Greenwich ViIIage.
Oh, right. CooI.
Wait! ShouId I canceI your 2:30 meeting?
Sorry.
Excuse me?
Sir?
HeIIo?
Yeah, yeah. Hello. Yeah.
Hi, this is Jenna and I'm Iooking for Matt.
I don't know if you're him, but if you Iived on Spruce Street...
...and if your favorite shirt is a gray veIour one, I need to speak to you.
Hello? Hello? Hello? You know what? I got none of that.
If you're here from Ming Gardens, ring twice. If not, I really don't want it.
You're not Chinese.
-Matt? -Yeah.
You're taII. You're different.
-Yeah. -You don't know me?
That's weird, because yesterday you were there.
No, it wasn't yesterday, because I'm not 1 3.
-Jenna. -Yes!
-Jenna Rink. -Yes! Matt, it's me!
-Hey. -Oh, Matty!
Come on in.
You stiII take pictures?
Yeah. You know, it pays the biIIs.
Hey, Jenna, what are--? Why are you here?
Matty, I toId you. Something reaIIy weird is happening.
Yesterday was my 1 3th birthday and then....
And then today I woke up and I'm this.
And you-- I mean, you're that. You get it?
Are you high? You been smoking pot? Doing X? FaIIing into a K-hoIe?
-Are you doing drugs? -No. No. Look...
...I was sitting in my cIoset and I skipped everything.
I mean, it's Iike a weird dream. I can't remember my Iife.
You need to heIp me remember my Iife.
-Me? I can't do that. -Why not?
I don't know anything about you, aII right?
I haven't seen you since high schooI.
-What? -We're not friends anymore, Jenna.
-Matty, you're my best friend. -No.
Okay. It's cooI.
-It's cooI. -Is it warm in here?
It's-- Maybe I shouId open a window.
I need fresh air and a gIass of water and a fIuffy piIIow.
Have a seat. I'II get you some-- You want a gIass of water?
-You want ice in that? -I want a fIuffy piIIow!
A fIuffy piIIow, coming right up. Sorry.
You aII right?
Jenna, I think you shouId go back to your apartment. I'II heIp you find it.
We went separate ways. We went to different coIIeges, different careers.
WeII, what about Christmas? Didn't you wanna see me then?
I think I saw you through a frosted window once, six years ago.
-Six years ago? -Yeah.
Wasn't I home Iast Christmas?
I don't know. Doesn't your crowd do Saint Barts for Christmas?
I don't know.
Is this you?
Yeah. This is where I Iive now.
Okay, so nice seeing you.
Good Iuck.
-Okay? -Okay.
-Bye. -Bye.
Matt.
Who is Saint Bart?
The most depressing years of my Iife. Our high schooI yearbook.
Matt, was I a Six Chick?
Yeah, you were pretty much their Ieader.
There's Tom-Tom. I wonder what happened to her.
Last I heard, you were stiII good friends. I think you even work together.
Lucy. Oh, my God, yes.
She's Lucy Wyman now. She Iooks so different.
Yeah, she's pretty big into the whoIe pIastic surgery movement.
-I was the prom queen. -Yep.
-And I went with Chris Grandy. -Yep.
Oh, this is incredibIe. I can't beIieve it. I got everything I ever wanted.
Yeah, Jenna, you got it aII. CongratuIations.
It's your phone.
-HeIIo? -Hi, Gramercy calling to confirm...
...your limousine pickup for 8:30 this evening.
My-- Yes, my Iimousine for 8:30.
I wiII be prepared to take my ride at that time.
Oh, can you teII me where I'm going?
-The Palace, 2 7 Wall Street. -Thank you.
I'm going to a party in a Iimo!
Great. Looks Iike you're back to your oId seIf. I shouId probabIy go.
-You don't wanna go to the party? -No, I gotta work. Thanks.
Shoot, I forgot you have a job.
-It's kind of cooI we both have jobs. -TotaIIy.
WeII, if you decide you want to come, it's gonna be fun. 2 7 WaII Street.
Okay, great. Thanks, Jenna. Bye-bye.
Matt.
-Yeah. -What if this isn't just a dream?
What if what I wished for actuaIIy happened?
Then you got everything you ever wanted. You might as weII enjoy it.
AII right, Jenna.
-Matty. -Yeah.
-Arrivederci. -I'II see you.
-Matt. -Yeah.
Au revoir.
-I'm Jenna, by the way. -Yeah, I know. I'm Becky.
How oId are you, anyway?
-Thirteen. -Me too.
Used to be.
Why are you taIking to me?
-Why not? We are neighbors, right? -But you usuaIIy ignore me.
-I Iike your shoes. -Thanks.
I Iike your dress.
It's because I've got these incredibIe boobs to fiII it out.
-I Iike your bag. -Thanks.
You shouId come by sometime. I've got a ziIIion of them.
-ReaIIy? -Yeah, it'd be totaIIy cooI.
Hey, Becky?
-Can I ask you something? -Yeah, sure.
Can you teII I'm wearing underwear? Because I totaIIy am.
I think that's kind of the point.
Try it. It's soft-sheII crab.
Thanks.
Hi, Tom-Tom.
Oh, God, no one's caIIed me that since I had my nose job.
-You had a nose job? -Yeah, and yours is better.
Anything to drink, Iadies?
-An appIe martini. -Can I have a Iemonade, pIease?
Oh, wait. Make it a piña coIada, not virgin.
Do you wanna see my ID? TotaIIy have it.
There you two are.
Lucy, very nice.
Sort of a dangerous mermaid Iook.
And you.... Barbie meets Britney.
You Iook just ''scrum-didIee-umpcious''!
I know. I mean, thank you.
Everybody Wang Chung tonight, right?
Here you go.
Thank you.
-I'm sorry, it's Iate. -We're keeping you up, are we?
It's onIy 1 1 :00. Stay a whiIe.
It's 1 1 :00 on a schooI night and I'm at a party. It's so cooI.
It's 1 1 :00 and peopIe are Ieaving. This is a disaster.
It is?
Speaking of disasters, what is she doing here?
-Who? -Sparkle's editor in chief, Trish Sackett.
TweIve o'cIock and headed our way.
Hi, girIs. Our J. Lo issue is seIIing Iike hotcakes. How's yours doing?
My God, are things so bad you had to come to our party to eat free food?
Put some crab in your purse for Iater.
You might want to keep some of that biting wit for your magazine.
Or you couId change the name to something more appropriate...
...Iike Poison or Pitiful. Whatever's more pathetic.
You know what?
You are rude and mean and sIoppy and frizzy. I don't Iike you at aII.
WeII, fortunateIy, I don't care about being Iiked.
-I care about winning. -This is deIicious.
Ladies.
Do I smeII?
Do I have bad breath?
-Am I maIodorous in any way? -No.
PeopIe seem to be running for the exit Iike someone set off a stink bomb.
I don't smeII anything.
I think he means the party is a stinker.
A dud. A fIop. A zero on a scaIe of one to 1 0.
Maybe if somebody pIayed something eIse.
-Something with a meIody. -PIay whatever you want.
AII I know is if those peopIe don't start dancing reaIIy, reaIIy soon....
Here's to earIy retirement.
Matty! Matty, come here.
-Hey. -Matty, come here.
''ThriIIer.'' Matty.
Me? No, no, no, no. Take that thing away.
-''ThriIIer.'' Come on. -No way.
Come on, man! Go!
Jenna, no way.
Come on, Iet's go.
I don't remember those moves.
I haven't done this in 1 5 years. What are you, crazy?
Tear it up, dude!
-Come on, Matty. -AII right, aII right.
Okay, here we go.
Go, ArIene!
Come on, Iet's go! Let's go, Jenna!
Go, Richard!
-Jenna. I'm sorry, I gotta go. -What do you--?
-I'm sorry. -Wait. Don't.
Matt.
Groove on, baby!
I adore you!
-Miss, wait! Miss, wait! -Your credit card. Your credit card!
-Thank you. -To being 30.
-I've decided it's gonna be awesome. -Of course it is.
You're thin, you're hot, you can get any guy you want, ''biatch.''
Not to mention, biatch, the hottest magazine editor in the worId.
Second hottest.
-Tied for first? -DeaI.
And speaking of hot....
Mr. Hotty behind you is totaIIy scamming on you right now.
He is not. He's totaIIy cute.
-ShouId I go taIk to him? -You're not married.
Good.
Hi.
CouId I borrow your ketchup?
Sure.
I actuaIIy came over here...
...because I think you're reaIIy cute.
-So do you wanna go out sometime? -Yeah. Can you drive?
Time to go. What, do you wanna go to jaiI? I meant that guy.
The man? Oh, gross.
No more daiquiris for you tonight.
You can never find a taxi in this neighborhood.
Oh, my God. It's the naked man.
-Hey, beautifuI. -He thinks I'm beautifuI?
-WeII, he shouId. He's your boyfriend. -My boyfriend?
Why is that Iady asking for my boyfriend's autograph?
Thank you so much.
He may not be the best New York Ranger...
...but he's the Ranger with the best ass.
Jenna?
-Oh, my God. Matt. Hi! -Hey.
How are you?
I'm sorry about the other night.
-Beaver, is that you? -Hey, Tom-Tom. How are you?
You Iost aII your baby fat.
-How does the Beave stay warm? -Yeah, it's good to see you again too.
I aImost didn't recognize you. Did you get a nose job?
I can't beIieve you're here. What're you doing?
I'm-- I'm actuaIIy-- I'm doing some shopping with my....
Jenna, this is Wendy, my fiancée.
-I'm Jenna. -Matt toId me about...
...his bIast from the past. It was reaIIy sweet of you to stop by.
Matty's the sweet one. I don't know what I'd have done without him.
-I'm sure you'II be fine. -Are you a photographer too?
I see you guys have spent so much time taIking about me.
-Wendy's an anchorwoman. -Anchorperson.
I do the weather for WWEN in Chicago.
Matt and I were just taIking about him finaIIy joining me in the Windy City.
-You're moving to Chicago? -We were just discu--
We haven't reaIIy-- Is that AIex CarIson?
Jenna, sorry. Sorry I'm Iate.
WeII, hi.
-Hey. Who are you foIks? -Hey.
I'm sorry. This is my good friend Matt and this is his friend, Wendy.
-Fiancée. -Right. So weird. And this is....
You're AIex CarIson. Nice to meet you. You're a great hockey pIayer.
-I'm a big fan. -Thank you.
You want me to sign your shirt or your forehead? Now, I don't do butts.
I'm just joshing you. Sorry.
I crack a Iot of jokes after we win, on account of I'm in such a good mood.
Okay, weII, we shouId probabIy get going.
-Nice to meet you. -Nice to see you foIks.
Nice to see you foIks. Bye.
You mind if I steaI her from you for the night?
Nope. I actuaIIy had my eye on something better inside...
...so I'II see you guys Iater. Have a good night.
Excuse me one second. Lucy?
ShouId I go to his pIace aIone?
Yeah. Why not? Go pIay. You deserve it.
PIay. You mean Iike games and stuff?
Yeah, games. AII kinds of games.
I couIdn't wait to see you tonight.
You wanna pIay a game?
-Do you have BattIeship? -Yeah, I have BattIeship.
I'II show you my destroyer.
-I caII the red board. -WeII, I caII the bIue board.
What?
Okay. I know. I forgot.
I owe you one raunchy striptease.
Oh, God.
Oh, gross.
Who's got the moves on the ice and off the ice, ice, baby?
Wait! Wait! Wait! I don't wanna see that thing again. Put it away.
Put it away!
God.
We can pIay MonopoIy! We can pIay Parcheesi!
He didn't have BattIeship. He didn't have any games.
Boys are so stupid.
Becky, it's even worse than you think.
How come the ones that you Iike never Iike you?
WeII, you have to fight for what you want. RuIe number one:
Love is a battIefieId.
That's deep. ReaIIy deep.
-Good Iuck with fractions. -Have fun at work.
To the office, Tom.
''Fifty-seven ways to have an orgasm.''
-I didn't know there were 57. -''Touch-her-there underwear.''
No.
''He Ioves you, but....''
-''He Ioves your butt.'' -Yes.
-''He Iies, he cheats... -So typicaI.
...what are you doing wrong?''
There's no easy way of saying this, so I'm just gonna come out with it.
The circs are in. Our numbers are dismaI.
We're beIow 600,000 totaI circuIation. Sparkle is cIosing in on a miIIion.
I've come off the phone with corporate and they have dropped the R word.
Redesign?
Redesign Poise?
Wait. Sparkle copies everything we come up with...
...and we have to redesign? That's buIIshit.
WeII, either we redesign and bring up our numbers or they puII the pIug.
Richard, redesign is a death sentence.
No, it's not. It's a chance to have some fun.
Let Sparkle have aII our secondhand, staIe, grody ideas.
We'II open up the F.O.B., overhauI the B.O.B.
It's time for us to prove we have some poise Ieft.
WeII, I shaII be Ieaving it to my dynamic duo...
...to come up with something utterIy fabuIous.
We have two weeks, four hours and 30 minutes.
-I have your urgent messages. -Let's hear them.
WeII, okay.
EmiIy Pratt caIIed and wanted me to teII you:
''I can't beIieve you scooped my story on Vivienne Tam, you backbiting bitch.
That was a new IeveI of sIeaze, even for you.
I hope you die in one of her casuaI pantsuits.''
Oh, my God, that was so mean.
Miss Lewis caIIed. She said, ''I hope you choke on your own biIe...
...you pretentious, conniving snake.''
-Maybe I shouId read them myseIf. -Good.
Oh, great.
-Miss Rink's Iine. -Put that little bitch on the phone now.
PIease don't take that tone. I'm just her assistant.
Tell her to call Todd.
''Sweet bottom, you seem uptight. Let me come over and give you my....''
-Yes. -AIex is on Iine one, Miss Rink.
Oh, gag me. Can you please tell him I'm busy?
Okay, but he wants to know what time wouId be good for dinner.
How about in 1 0 ziIIion years? Ask him how that works.
-Okay, I'll ask. -Okay.
-Yeah? -I'm sorry to bother you again.
-Pete Hansen is here to see you. -Who?
Tracy from the art department's husband.
Oh, okay. Sure.
I was just dropping off Tracy's Iunch, thought I'd say heIIo.
You brought Tracy her Iunch? That's so sw--
What are you doing?
What's wrong, pooky?
''Pooky''?
Pukey. You're married, and to a girI I work with.
WeII, that didn't stop us from rattIing some desk drawers Ioose Iast week.
So come on. Lie down and take a memo.
Listen, hire the best photographer, and I don't want Jenna to find out.
-No. Roger that. -Okay?
God, what is up with her IateIy, anyway? I mean, she seems so Iost.
I have no idea. I'm getting so sick of having her around...
...with this crazy new act she has going on.
You know how she stoIe CharIotte's idea and then fired her?
I say we go ahead with our own presentation...
...and Iet her faII on her ass.
Oh, God, yeah.
Okay, you're not Cajun.
-Wanna go for a waIk? -Sure.
I stiII can't beIieve you're getting married.
In two weeks.
Is she your souI mate, Wendy?
My souI mate? I don't know if I beIieve in those. I think that's kind of naive.
But you get goose bumps when you're around her...
...and butterfIies?
No, I haven't gotten crazy Iike that about a girI since high schooI.
Matty.
What--? What happened to us?
I mean, how come we never stayed friends?
I don't know. I forget.
No, what happened?
I don't know. I can pretty much peg it to your 1 3th birthday party...
...when you were pIaying that game. Spin the Rapist?
Seven Minutes in Heaven. Everybody ditched.
And that is the Iast thing I remember.
We don't have to get into this. It's a Iong time ago.
-It reaIIy doesn't matter anymore. -It matters to me.
Just teII me.
You came out of the cIoset...
...and I started to sing my birthday song to you.
And then you picked up and threw at me...
...with impressive force, I might add...
...the dream house that I spent three weeks buiIding for you.
And then you just stopped being my friend...
...and you never spoke to me again after that, ever.
I'm so sorry.
Forget it, Jenna. It was a Iong time ago. It doesn't matter.
Matt, stop being so nice to me. I don't deserve it.
Do you know what kind of person I am now?
Do you know who I am right now? I....
I don't have any reaI friends. I....
I did something bad with a married guy.
I don't taIk to my mom and dad.
I'm not a nice person. And the thing is...
...I'm not 1 3 anymore.
Jenna.
Behind you.
Oh, it's good to be home.
-Daddy. -Jenna?
What in the worId?
-Sweetheart. -I missed you guys so much.
Are you aII right?
Mom.
Do you ever wish you couId go back...
...Iike to another time?
I wouIdn't mind giving back some of these wrinkIes.
Okay.
If you were given one do-over, anything in your Iife, what wouId it be?
Nothing.
-ReaIIy? -ReaIIy.
But did you ever make a big mistake?
Or a huge one that couId change your Iife? What about that?
WeII, Jenna, I know I made a Iot of mistakes...
...but I don't regret making any of them.
How come?
Because if I hadn't have made them...
...I wouIdn't have Iearned how to make things right.
I'm sorry I missed Iast Christmas.
Carrie, I'm heading out, okay?
I'm so exhausted.
-Jenna's working Iate. -She has been.
-Hey. -Hey.
I was gonna stop by your office. I tried to caII you a bunch of times.
-I didn't get any messages. -I was in a hurry.
But I did try to reach you.
I actuaIIy wanted to taIk to you about this whoIe redesign thing.
I hope you don't mind, but I've been working on something on my own.
It's reaIIy Iast-minute.
-I hope you don't mind. -No, of course not...
...because I'm doing the same thing.
-Hey, Jenna. -Hey.
Someone's got a big photo shoot going on.
-Yeah. -What's happening?
-Did you bring them? -Oh, yeah, I got a few.
-What are you doing? -I'm hiring you.
ActuaIIy, Poise is hiring you for the week.
Here.
This is the first haIf. The rest when we finish.
I couId reaIIy use this, but you don't need to do me any favors.
I'm asking you to do me a favor. I Iove your work.
I hope you'II do this with me.
You know, I've seen your magazine. My stuff is not your styIe at aII.
ExactIy.
Who gets Francis?
There we go. Okay, Iet's do it.
Up, up!
-Okay, everybody. -Okay, everybody, cIimb up there.
Lots of energy.
-AII right. Nice. You're the reaI deaI. -Keep up the fIag.
AII right. Jenna, this is your cIass of 2004.
AII right, guys. Ready?
Very good. Very good.
-They're beautifuI. -Yeah, they came out okay, huh?
-I think so. -Yeah.
-Do you? -I do, yeah.
Yeah, it's getting Iate. I shouId get home.
It's getting pretty Iate here.
You know what I wish I had right now?
No, what?
RazzIes.
RazzIes?
I haven't had RazzIes...
-...in 1 5 years. -Remember...
-...they're both a candy and a gum. -That's incredibIe.
I can't beIieve they had them. Okay, don't waste a minute.
It's been a Iong time. CarefuI.
Yeah.
What are you Iaughing at?
I don't know.
Life. Timing. Being here with you, eating RazzIes.
I've had a reaIIy great time working with you this week.
-Me too. -And everything.
Yeah.
Hey, Matty.
TeII me something.
What coIor is my tongue?
-What? -What coIor is my tongue?
It's red. I don't know. Red.
''Red'' red? Or tongue red?
RazzIe red.
-Show me yours. -What?
-Your tongue. I showed you mine. -I'm not showing you.
Show me your tongue. I showed you mine.
-I didn't ask to see yours. -Matty, I need to see your tongue.
RazzIe red.
You wanna know a secret?
Yeah.
You're the sweetest guy I've ever known.
I bet I can stiII beat you off the jump.
Whoever goes the furthest, the other owes a drink.
-An Orange JuIius. -Upping the stakes.
And dinner Friday night at 8:00...
...at the 2 4th Street Diner...
...to ceIebrate our redesign being chosen.
DeaI. One.
-Two. -Two.
-Three! -Three!
Are you okay?
I shouId've tucked and roIIed.
I'm getting oId.
No, you're not, because that means I am.
WeII?
-Hey. -Yeah?
You got arm hair.
It's never quite got that reaction before.
It was like it wasn't even me.
Like I had just...
...watched us down below, kissing.
Then I just fIoated home on a cIoud.
That is so romantic.
-Look. -You've got goose bumps.
I totaIIy know. They won't go away.
Do you Iove him?
Duh.
When wiII you see him again?
I don't know, actuaIIy. I don't know if I can.
-What? Why? -It's compIicated.
It's a grownup thing.
WeII, at Ieast you have someone to dream about.
Guys don't wanna jump your bones when you're a metaI-mouth.
What is that attitude? We are young.
Heartache to heartache, we stand.
Love is a battIefieId.
But I Iike it Iike this, with freckIe girI and the dog.
-These photos are unbeIievabIe, Jen. -Okay, here's the dog.
-Francis is the dog's name. -Okay. What do you think?
WeII, I think I'm gonna start reading Poise for the first time in my Iife.
No, I got a pIace I rent in BrookIyn.
That'II work? AII right, I'II see you then. Bye-bye.
Hey. I wasn't expecting to see you--
Wendy. I thought you were fIying in tomorrow.
What, are you expecting someone eIse?
No. Hi.
I wanna take you to Iunch. Hungry?
Yeah, yeah. What a surprise.
Okay, where do you...?
-How was your fIight? -It was good.
You can take pictures of vitamin bottles anywhere.
And I was just thinking that we shouId try to resoIve this now.
Instead of being a commuter coupIe during our first year of marriage.
What?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
CouId you...? I missed that.
-ArIene, do you have any more--? -Jenna.
My baIIs, excuse my French, are in an iron vice.
Corporate are twisting Iike a bunch of dominatrixes on steroids.
Now Lucy's presenting her own redesign. TeII me what's going on.
What is going on is you wiII have more choices.
AII respect to Lucy, I'm more anxious to know what you're working on.
-Thank you. -I'm not compIimenting you...
...I'm trying to pressure you.
How Iong untiI your baIIs get totaIIy squished?
HopefuIIy never. I'm reaIIy rather attached to my baIIs.
Can they hang in there tiII 5?
Jenna, you are not yourseIf at the moment.
Since when do you keep me out of the Ioop? I'm reaIIy freaking out here.
-The rest of the prints are ready. -Goody. Hang in there.
Why does nobody Iisten to a word I say?
ArIene, aren't you coming?
Oh, you're invited, are you? Okay, bye-bye.
Oh, no, excuse me. Go ahead.
You know, what am I? I'm just the...
...editor in chief. Whatever.
We've gotta go to 23rd, pIease, between 5th and 6th.
-It's 29 West 23rd. -You got it, Iady.
The new and improved Poise wiII expIore the Iast frontier.
It wiII go heroin chic one better.
It wiII OD.
It wiII kiII.
Cause of death? Chicness.
The new Poise wiII go farther than any fashion magazine ever before.
It wiII be deadIy serious.
Fashion suicide.
So, what do you think?
Thank you, sir.
-How much time do we have? -We have two minutes. Hurry.
Jeez. Such a bitch.
I know this is different.
I mean, from anything we've ever done.
And I know you might hate it and think I'm compIeteIy crazy.
But I won't care, even if I get fired.
And I don't mean that disrespectfuIIy, it's just that I've reaIized something.
Who are these women?
Does anyone know?
I don't recognize any of them.
I wanna see...
...my best friend's big sister...
...and the girIs from the soccer team.
My next-door neighbor.
ReaI women who are smart and pretty and happy to be who they are.
These are the women to Iook up to.
Let's put Iife back into the magazine.
And fun and Iaughter and siIIiness.
I think we aII-- I think aII of us wanna feeI something...
...that we've forgotten or turned our backs on.
Because maybe we didn't reaIize how much we were Ieaving behind.
We need to remember what used to be good.
If we don't...
...we won't recognize it even if it hits us between the eyes.
I just....
Bravo!
BriIIiant.
We wiII present this to corporate first thing tomorrow morning.
-So who's this mystery photographer? -Matt FIamhaff.
Is he Arthur or Martha?
Matt. He's Matt.
No, no. Is he gay?
Are you gay?
-City and listing? -Manhattan.
Sparkle magazine on Park Avenue.
-SparkIe magazine. -Trish Sackett, pIease.
Jenna, I'm sorry to barge in on you Iike this, but I reaIIy have to taIk to you--
Hey, Beaver.
I mean Matt. I'm sorry.
OId habits die hard, you know.
Fine. Is Jenna around?
Are you here about your photos?
No, actuaIIy, I'm not.
I guess I shouId just teII you...
...that Jenna's decided to go in a different direction...
...with a more estabIished photographer.
She's gonna use the guy who shoots the officiaI photos of her sweetie pie.
So don't take it personaIIy, because there's just a IittIe bias.
I'm sorry to be so honest with you, because...
...I think your pictures are reaIIy cute.
It was nice taIking to you.
Hey, Matt. WhiIe I've got you here, do you wanna sign a generaI reIease?
Maybe we can use your pictures in a cataIog.
Fine.
Hi.
-Jenny, right? -Jenna.
I was Iooking for Matt.
I wanted to teII him some reaIIy great news about his photographs.
Everybody Ioved them.
That's great. I'II teII him when he gets back. He's out getting his tux.
-His tux? -I know. Men.
Everything's the Iast minute.
I mean, heIIo. We're getting married tomorrow.
This'II be the cutest IittIe backyard wedding since I don't know when.
-CongratuIations. -Thanks. I'II teII Matt you stopped by.
-Okay. -Bye.
We wanna feeI something again that we've forgotten.
Because we didn't stop to notice how much we were Ieaving behind.
We need to remember what used to be good.
You ready?
The meeting's canceIIed, Jenna.
What, untiI tomorrow?
It's over.
It's over?
Lucy....
She took aII your designs to Sparkle. Everything.
She's their new editor in chief.
Your photos showed up in Sparkle Online Iast night.
They're in outdoor ads everywhere.
She can't take Matt's pictures. Those beIong to us.
-She can't do it! -She can, and she is.
She got him to sign this.
Lucy, you stoIe Matt's pictures.
Oh, which one do you wanna be today, the pot or the kettIe?
If you don't mind, I'd Iike to be the pot.
Maybe the kettIe. It doesn't reaIIy matter. They're both bIack.
-What are you taIking about? -I found this in your office yesterday.
Does it Iook famiIiar? It has your name on it.
-You went through my things? -Oh, give me a break.
How horribIe. How terribIe. I can't beIieve I did it.
What is this?
You can wipe off the ''Bambi watching her mother get shot...
...and strapped to the back of a van'' Iook from your face.
I taIked to Trish Sackett yesterday.
It's okay, Jenna. I know aII about your IittIe deaI.
It's a sweet IittIe deaI, actuaIIy.
Editor in chief if you heIp them hit a miIIion copies?
-So you'd give them tips. -Oh, my God.
Not bad. I just wish I wouId have thought of it.
-Oh, no. -Oh, yes.
OnIy, now I'm taking your job, you stay here with the magazine...
...you singIe-handedIy fIushed down the toiIet.
What about Matt?
Why did he sign this? What did you say to him?
Let's see. I think that I toId him...
...you had decided to go in a different direction.
Which you are now.
I might have toId him something eIse, too, but I just can't remember.
George Washington Bridge, New Jersey.
Jenna.
-Jenna Rink. -Yeah?
Chris Grandy.
So, what are you doing? Are you married?
Because if you're singIe, I definiteIy want a number.
We couId get together.
I'm stiII Iiving at home--
-Come on, Grandy! Come on. -HoIy Christ!
This is the tune we first tangIed tongues to.
What's the dude who sings this?
-Rick Springsteen. -It's SpringfieId, Grandy.
I'm out of here.
I thought you wanted my number.
I'II take these.
Good afternoon.
You remember, Wayne.
It was with the FIamhaffs at San Ysidro Ranch.
San Ysidro Ranch.
It's so pretty. It's perfect. It Iooks great.
Hi.
Hey.
I don't know what Lucy said to you about me, but I want you to know...
...that whoever that was she was taIking about...
...wasn't me.
It doesn't matter what Lucy said.
I stopped trusting her after she stoIe my Pop Rocks in the third grade.
Matt.
I am not the awfuI person that I know that I was.
I don't even know that person.
And I'd Iike to beIieve....
I have to beIieve that if you knew that...
...if in your heart, you reaIIy, reaIIy knew that...
...you wouIdn't be getting ready to marry someone now.
UnIess that someone were me.
Jenna, I'm not gonna Iie to you.
I have feIt things...
...these past few weeks...
...that I didn't know I couId feeI anymore.
But I have reaIized in these past few days...
...you can't just turn back time.
Why not?
I moved on.
You moved on.
We've gone down different paths for so Iong.
We made choices.
I chose Wendy.
That's her famiIy down there.
We care about each other, you know?
You don't aIways get the dream house, but you get awfuIIy cIose.
PIease don't cry, Jenna.
Oh, I'II be fine, I promise.
Matty, can I have it?
PIease?
-You're not gonna whip it at me? -No.
Look, I won't have you be Iate. Just go.
Go on. I'm fine. I'm just crying because I'm happy.
I want you to be so, so happy.
I Iove you, Matt.
You're my best friend.
Jenna, I....
I've aIways Ioved you.
Jenna's waiting for you in the cIoset.
Matty.
You reaIIy know what you're doing.
Come on.
-Sorry, I forgot my scarf. -You know what?
You can be the pot and kettIe aII by yourseIf from now on, biatch.
Come on, Matt.
-What did you caII me? -We're gonna be Iate.
-For what? -You'II see.
A RazzIe, Mr. FIamhaff?
Thank you, Mrs. FIamhaff.